Caregiver burnout is about to set in, after six months of taking care of my dad, who has a prolonged illness. Serving as a stay-at-home nurse to a family member is more stressful than I ever expected and I feel guilty every single day. How can I focus on my well being while caring for my father as well?

                                                  A:

Claire, the fact that you can identify caregiver burnout is a good sign that you are checking in with yourself. I'm curious about what aspect of caretaking you feel is most stressful and what areas prompt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Once you've identified the prompts for these specific reactions, you can start to make a plan that centers around your well-being. 

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Start by gaining context of your emotions. Ask yourself: "When do I feel the highest level of guilt?" 

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Once you've identified this, go further and contemplate: 

"What do I fear will happen?"

"How is guilt getting becoming a barrier between good health for all involved?"

Those answers will illuminate a deeper understanding of your concerns. The other side of your fear barrier is the permission to put yourself "on the list" without guilt. Getting to the limiting beliefs allows you to complete the stress cycle. If you're carrying around a sense of dread or guilt throughout those activities, no amount of self-care seems to "fill the well." 

People's biggest strengths can also be their biggest weaknesses. You likely stepped up to the plate to be a caretaker because of your biggest strengths: traits like compassion, kindness, responsibility, and duty (the best kind). Time and time again, I see people weaponize those amazing traits against themselves. If you feel that the barrier is an internal sense of obligation, you can also reframe that perspective. 

Burnout is partly the actions of self-care and self-renewal but gentle time for personal activities the pace that's not so grueling. Recovering from caretaker burnout is also understanding yourself at a deeper level and reframing the beliefs you hold about your responsibility, how much you are required to give, and your sense of boundaries.

As you get to understand your barriers and your fears, my first suggestion is to permit yourself to put those fears down for a moment. 

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Ask yourself questions to examine the reality of your situation: "Will my patient starve if I walk around the block?" or "Will my patient be injured if take a break or have support?" 

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And some critical situations, the answer is "Yes" -- and those moments require specific caretaker strategies. But for the most part, 30 minutes of self-renewal won't impact the welfare of your adult charge. As a first step; permit yourself to tend to your own needs with the dedication and verve you offer your loved one. 

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